Stores of Desperation

Spring Break comes at a steep price. The price of burning the midnight/1am/2am/5am oil to try to turn in all your finals on time. The price of trying to deep clean your room so that when one returns, there's a welcoming scent of someone who is "on top of it," "successful," and "a model citizen." & finally, there's the price of $153.00 for those of us who really really try to be a proficient human being but instead, fail miserably.

Today, Life fined me $153.00 for failures and fatigue. After turning in two finals, moving out of studio, four loads of laundry, "secretly" vacuuming at 1am, "secretly" mopping the apartment at 2am, and cleaning the shower...I thought to my 3:30am delusional self, "let me take me take a 30minute nap before I have to drive to Portland for my 8AM flight." Thus, when I woke up at 8:30am, 2 hours away from the Portland airport, on a very clean bed in a very clean room...the air of failure was thick upon my chest. In hopes of begging for mercy, I drove to Portland while wailing remorsefully to the new Justin Timberlake CD (my only comfort at the time).

After being informed that upgrading to the Business Select for the 2pm flight was the only way I was going to be able to get home...I made the decision to sell my left kidney in return for one cheaply printed, ugly Sans Serif font, boarding pass back to Burbank, California. HOME, here I come.

As I wandered the airport terminal stores to kill time, I began to realize that every store sold the same thing: desperation. 

Desperation Purse: You have REALLY got to be desperate to buy this purse.

 

Desperation Tea: WHY would you suddenly have the urge to purchase mediocre overpriced tea? Desperation.

Desperation Useless Thing: This is the ultimate form of desperation There is no reason ANYONE in the world should be desperate enough to buy this glass pyramid full of sand. Even if it's on sale.

Yet, feeling quite miserable myself, I kind of enjoyed these Stores of Desperation. I enjoyed it so much so that I bought my very own Desperation Coconut Water. This is an odd purchase because I don't actually like coconut water....but feeling very underdressed for Business Select (I saw a 5 year old wearing a fedora for crying out loud), I decided to buy coconut water to show everyone I did indeed belong  (Let's be real...only rich people legitimately drink coconut water).

Now, I'm sitting in my window seat...next to a third grader girl named Kennedy who likes Johnny Cash & Counting Crows. I'm self conscious that I've lost the chance to befriend her because I've been typing away during the last 20 minutes. Just a few minutes ago, she told the girl sitting to the left of her that in the last flight she sat next to a mean lady who didn't talk to her and a nice lady who talked to her. (Unsure if that was a passive aggressive way of telling me that I'm the NEW "mean lady." I'm a bit offended.)

Well, friends...that is all. I used my free drink coupon for wine and now I feel (and look) like I'm about to die. Nothing like Business Select perks that make you realize that you are indeed a sucker for free things...even free things that you're allergic to.