An Open Letter

Dear Person who Broke Into my Prius,

The police tell me you're probably "those meth addicts." I'm not sure who you are...because the only interaction I've had with a meth addict is through Season One of Breaking Bad. It's hard to imagine Bryan Cranston rummaging through my stuff.
But then, to imagine that you look like this....kind of scares me too much.

For starters, I have to say...I'm impressed. You managed to break into my locked car without smashing any windows. How did you do this? Are you a wizard? It really is quite impressive. Thank you for not breaking my window...It's been getting quite cold lately. So, I have to ask...why my car? Was it the California license plates? Or was it because you have been watching me? If so, that's totally creepy & didn't your mother teach you that it's impolite to stare?

I see that you've taken my GPS. I would like to believe that if you truly knew me, you would have left it for me because you would know that I need it more than you. But now that it's in your hands, I have to say "Lonches to Go" is a great mexican restaurant... you can find the address under "Recently Visited." As for "Alyssa's House"....well, she moved last year...so, don't waste your time breaking into her house.

Also, you seem to have stolen all $30 worth of quarters and my jar of "Emergency" money. Not cool, man, not cool. Quarters are a hot commodity around this college town..and now I will have to make another dreaded trip to the bank. If only you knew how often I forget my wallet at home & have to rummage through my emergency jar to buy a snack...you probably would have left that for me too. However, perhaps, you're starving too. Please don't spend the money on drugs & please don't spend it on crappy food - Both acts totally go against everything I believe in. Again, you can find a list of approved restaurants under the "Favorites" category of my GPS.

Lastly, of all the things you stole. You stole my precious sunglasses. Maybe you thought you deserved these because I could just go get another pair. But what you don't know is that I bought those sunglasses while I was Italy as a gift to myself for finishing my Final Reviews. I allowed myself one splurge in Europe...and it was these aviators. I visited these sunglasses everyday for a week and finally bought them on the last day. I think I've worn these four times. And now you'll wear them. Please take good care of them.

I see that you decided to leave my Beatles' CD (Rubber Soul & Abbey Road) and a Black Key's album. This makes me question your taste in music...but I'm glad you didn't take these. I also see that you had no interest in my napkins and paper towels. But why did you have to throw them everywhere? I literally just cleaned my car yesterday. Finally, you left Jonathan Edward's biography too. I wish you had taken this so you can listen to what a God-fearing man this theologian was. It might have done your soul some good. But, maybe you thought I needed it more. So, thank you for thinking of me.

Well, Sinner Stealer. I can't say I'm not freaked out by your sudden intrusion. You've made me feel very vulnerable and actually kind of scared. Most of all, I'm saddened by how we've crossed paths. I hope you change your ways. I will pray for you because you probably don't have anybody praying for you. And maybe...maybe...we will officially meet in heaven & we'll laugh about this crazy incident & you'll finally ask why my GPS history had Trader Joes listed so many times & I'll just change the subject because the answer is embarrassing.

Well, until then....