I Kissed Health Goodbye

Life, Liberty & the Pursuit of Happiness. These are just some of the rights I will not be able to enjoy this upcoming week. For those who are not architecture students, let me tell you, the days prior to Final Review are catastrophic. It's the week before we present our final project to other professors & local professionals. Sometimes they say helpful things & other times they say things that make you want to rip out all your teeth and scream "IM SO MISUNDERSTOOD!!!"

Anyway, the week prior to Final Review is simply put: utter hell. Think...Black Friday Shopping meets Vampires on Bath Salts...& that's half the intensity of what this upcoming seven days will be. It's ugly. It's really ugly. Trace paper will fly, the computer mouse will dart from left to right, eyes will roll... I wont sleep. I'll run to the bathroom & run back to my desk.
There's no time. There's no time.
8 hours feels like 5 minutes. Where did the time go?
There's no time. There's no time.
Thighs will soften like butter on a warm day. Stomachs will bulge like an exploding balloon. Need elastic pants. Need baggy t-shirt. Need more cookies. NO, actually chips, NO. NEED. COFFEE. NO TIME TO TEXT BACK. NO TIME TO CALL. DON'T TALK TO ME. GET OUT OF MY WAY. YOU ARE THE WORST.

It's a nightmare. & before I know it, I'll wake up & It'll be over.

I'll be 10lbs heavier and 20 days closer to my death, & probably have a net lost of 2 friends from just being an irritable human being. 

Thus, Thanksgiving Break is a good time to prepare for this impending catastrophe. I must do all that I can to help myself be less psycho. I cooked. cleaned. I double watered my plants. There will be no time to take care of them, hopefully they wont be too thirsty. be strong, little succulents, be strong. 

Yet, no preparation would be complete without the help of trusty Trader Joes. I bought every snack that fancied the eye. Come, take a lookieloo.

[Top: Hazelnut cookie, Chocolate Covered Potato Chips, Macarons, Cocoa Batons]

Alright Friends. The Chocolate Hazelnut Cookies ($3.99) ARE TO DIE FOR. I am slightly biased because I'm  a hungry hippo for anything hazelnuts, but I've given these to four friends & they are all obsessed. These cookies are soft, buttery, and have just the perfect marriage of hazelnuts & chocolate. They would go perfect with some neutral tea, a warm couch & fuzzy slippers. Be warned though, these are dangerous...so don't go blaming me when you can't fit into your tiny dress. But let's be real here, what are you doing wearing a dress in the dead of winter anyway? Go put on some slacks & enjoy these cookies, you'll be sooooo much happier.

Next: Chocolate Covered Potato Chips ($2.99). Much like communism, this snack looked much better on paper than in reality. The chip was sort of weirdly moist & not crunchy. The chocolate was mediocre.  If snacks were different people in society, these choco-potato chips would be hipsters. On the exterior, they look kind of funky-cool, but then you get to know them, & they're just kind of fake, drab, and damp. NO. THANK.YOU. 

Pumpkin Macarons ($4.99): Last year, I sort of overdosed on TJ Macarons...and by overdose, I mean, I ate an entire box by myself literally within 3 minutes. They weren't even totally defrosted yet. I just flat out ate frozen macarons. Afterwards, I felt ill- physically...and mentally. So, I was a bit weary when I bought these pumpkin ones. They are pretty great though. I would suggest opening the box up with friends so that you don't follow the same fate I did.

Petite Coca Batons ($1.49): Holy Moses are these freaking good. They are the TINEST of things. In terms of size, they're about half the length of your pinky. They're so baby that when you eat them, you don't feel fat at all. You just feel dainty, light, & most of all, happy. HIGHLY recommend these. You can't go wrong. The price, the crispiness of joy, & the power of chocolate - you can't go wrong.

Peaberry Coffee ($6.99) I bought this coffee simply because I fell right into TJ's marketing ploys - it was colorful & it was only here for a limited time. Like most people from Brazil, the Peaberry looks absolutely beautiful. All those colors! I was instantly attracted. But, I'm not so sure how I feel about this coffee. What IS a peaberry anyway? If it's a fruit, then that explains why the coffee was so flamboyantly fruity. I personally like my coffee dark, coffe-esque, & not $7. So I say pass, but do as you wish.

Can't get enough of my Trader Joe reviews? DONT YOU WORRY. I have a TJ shopping problem & here are 4 more snacks.

Dark Chocolate Orange: I lost my receipt for this purchase so I forgot how much these go for...but I LOVE these dark chocolate oranges. It's pure dark chocolate...in the shape of an orange...you literally smash the ball of dk chocolate & it splits into ORANGE SLICES. I CANT NOT THINK OF A MORE GENIUS IDEA. It just brings out the child in all of us. This product is seasonal...SO BUY IT ALL, I KNOW I ALREADY HAVE.

Peppermint Pretzel Slims ($2.99): I dont know if you've tried Peppermint Pretzel Slim's older brother, Dark Chocolate Pretzel Slims, but both are simply delicious. Peppermint-anything is just the perfect holiday treat & you really feel like Santa is about to come down the chimney when you bite into one of these. I wouldn't necessarily die for these, but they are quite good.

Dk. Chocolate Covered JoeJoe's ($6.99): I admit, these are not cheap. But if you are not part of the 99% Occupy Movement  splurge & buy these!!! These cookies are hands down my favorite Trader Joe's holiday item. They're great because they are SO satisfying...you don't feel the need to gorge yourself every time you eat one. You eat one or two & you really feel okay just walking away. They hit the spot but aren't addictive...in a good way.

Multi-Flavored JoeJoe's ($6.99): These were somewhat disappointing. Placing words like "ASTOUNDING" & "DECADENTLY ENROBED" on your product is really setting super high standards. A more accurate adjective in my opinion would be something like "decadently average." The four flavors are: peanut butter, ginger, chocolate-chocolate, peppermint. The peppermint is the same as the holiday peppermint joejoes, so, delicious. The peanut butter joejoe tasted to me like a candy bar...it was good, but just, I dont know...kind of weird. I dont want my cookie tasting like Snickers & Butterfinger had a baby. I just want it to taste mostly cookie with a hint of peanut butter. The chocolate one was boring...it felt like the think tank at Trader Joe's ran out of ideas..and just resorted to age old -chocolate on chocolate. & the ginger one was actually interesting...but I personally hate white chocolate...cause I'm a racist. No no, I'm kidding. I am not a racist. White chocolate is too creamy to me...so wasn't a big fan. That's kind of a personal problem though... Nevertheless, I say pass on these unless you want to spend $7 on satisfying your curious JoeJoe nature.

As you can see. I'm well equipped for stress eating this upcoming week. Pray for me & I'll see you after Final Review.

[Disclaimer: All opinons are totally personal & were not endorsed by Trader Joe's. Since the company does not know I exist as a person & have zero incentive to send me any free food given that I have low readership & NO commenters, happy reading knowing that you are getting 100% honesty.]